N I S A's journal.

Food Galore!!

Across the highway we went.

mommy's first plate.

yourstuly.
PMS effect: HAVE to HAVE rice at least once per day.

tomato soup(isLOVE) . juicy cherry tomatoes . soft fluffy breads . OHMYGOSH! super sinful choc cake dessert.

to think of it, it's more of MASHED than WHIPPED. =X oops!
we ate this in the remembrance of our beloved sister/daugther, Nurul 'Ain. ((=

My MOST favourite plate!!!!
*drool* *drools*

two superMOMS!

suuuuker jeans!!

they have been together since secondary school. ((=

i can't believe, i still managed to squeeze that whole thing in after 2 hours of buffet.

this is the favourite from McCafe.

Do we have to get married&havesex to experience this?
Maybe, I'll just adopt.

If you know me, you'll know how to read EVERYTHING.
it's all over (you!).

@ 11:53 PM

*edited

I find that entry is just inappropriate.

@ 8:21 PM

A little afternoon delight.

It turned out to look nice. But gosh! the smell of the toilet just behind and the sight of the longkangs.

She wants me to blog something nice things about her. Let me see...... Thanks for the IKEA trip!!! Because of the trip, I got to be ecstatic(so you!) the whole evening. Wohoo! I wanna do the dayak dance rite now!!! But she ain't all sunshine. She made me wait for like 45mins. Picnic with the ourSuperBusyWorkingGirlfriend next k, nog?
Meantime, START assingment-ing!!!

Finally!! No more over stuffed cupboards of bags. I just realized that I don't really have that much bag! shieto! I hear shopping bells.... Anyone else did???

@ 7:27 AM

Amirah's Grill Restaurant & Cafe

I want to dine here!
Bring me there someone.....

@ 3:04 PM

Cravings/Shopping & Enggagement

@ 12:14 PM

Moving off track.

It has been some time since I type a post for my blog(s).
And today's entry is gonna be different from the rest. Today, I feel like expressing my feelings through words so that I could at least feel a bit better myself and hopefully for that someone to understand the rational behind everything that have been happening to us/me lately.

This post only concerns me and him. No third party is involve so therefore I hope no judgments will be passed.

I have to agree with him that I have been very difficult these past few weeks. I have always been blaming on my PMS which I'm very certain it started all this. I have a very "wild" hormones. Which means that I could get very angry/pissedoff/unhappy/agitated/etc with the most minimal situations. Not only situations also when the wrong word is being used or the wrong movement is being made.

Not only was I very unhappy around him (these few weeks). I had the same feeling with my tuition girl, mommy, sister, brother and even my girlfriends. Not forgetting the DAD whom I have been pissed/unhappy/hating the most among the rest.

I was very wrong to snap at him, screaming my head off at him, cursing him, etc to him cos he never did anything wrong and obviously doesn't deserve such treatments. He had to go through a lot of mishap yet I've got to be a burden to him, adding more pain, adding more headache. The best part of everything is that we are not even together and yet I've troubled him so much. So is this call fair game? Definitely not!

Here I'm writing this and I can't find the reason why was I treating him like a piece of crap. I have nothing to back up my actions with, honestly I feel very guilty. But is an apology enough to make him feel any better than what he's feeling now?

And the answer is, a hundred percent, it's not enough. I have hurt him tremendously and at the same time, I've hurt myself. Even he had said that he's hurt, very hurt indeed. Oh Allah, I've just made him hate me. I find myself very weird, cos I love & care for him so much yet I still hurt him like as though he betrayed my trust and whatsnot.

I am so full of myself! I never changed for the relationship whereas he did a lot for me. He has become a changed person. A much better person. While I am still here so confused and so lost and having another beautiful soul hating me. STUPID!

Ya Allah, please forgive all my sins.

Here's how an ARSE I am.

The last sentence I said to him was, "Don't talk sial with me la!"

And this was his last sms to me:
"You have chosen a path that no one can stop you for now. You don't realise what's the damage you have been causing. I forgive you so easily for everything you do but never once i get that. I get blasted from you and cursed for improper reason. Yes! I love you but this is not what I deserve. I seriously can't go on with someone who is not willing to change for a relationship. I have done all I can but your anger and unhappiness blinds all up. I have asked, begged and even scolded you but nothing is working and now I just wanna go and lead my life. I have suffered enough and I will not go through with it. You can try your nonsense with someone else, perhaps they can take it but not me.. No more.. I won't say good bye.. It's just I'm going and never returning.. I hope you can at least leave me alone. I don't need another burden and someone who doesn't value me. Please do not respond with ya msgs or calls and seriously my heart is now shut for good..."

Oh Allah! Please give me the strength and please give him the happiness that he deserves all this while.

It's pretty obvious that the reason I wanted to type this post has not been met. Because I have no reason to support myself for being the worst person in your life.

I am truly sorry for hurting you all this while.